“And I feel like we don’t often talk about this expectation of martyrdom—that without question, you’re going to be a hero in that situation.”
—Sarah Plumitallo, February 24, 2018, NPR, All Things Considered
As I listened to the February 24 NPR show, “All Things Considered,” the conversation with three different teachers reacting to statements about arming teachers in schools, a reaction to the Valentine’s Day massacre at Marjory Stoneman Douglas High School, triggered a horrific reaction in me. It was the first time that I realized there is an expectation that I, as a teacher, would give my life to act as a human shield should a shooter enter my school.
I love my students and am devoted to them, arriving early every day, planning creative lessons, creating a print-rich, colorful, stimulating learning environment, attending multiple meetings a week, meeting with parents, answering e-mails, maintaining a class website and the list goes on. I love my students and over the past 38 years, have enjoyed watching them grow, mature and achieve. I have also witnessed some who did not.
The thought of having to prepare for a disgruntled student, or parent or a relative of an employee who enters the school with the intention of killing children, the teachers and staff entrusted with their care, is something I never could have imagined when I trained to be a teacher 40 years ago. In fact, before 2012, when the Sandy Hook shooting occurred, I think most people would not have imagined what has become a repeated occurrence. How did we get here? How can we begin to fix this broken system?
“Human beings need three basic things in order to be content: they need to feel competent at what they do; they need to feel authentic in their lives; and they need to feel connected to others. These values are considered “intrinsic” to human happiness and far outweigh “extrinsic” values such as beauty, money and status.
—Sebastian Junger, Tribe: On Homecoming and Belonging
I began thinking of my wish list for education, for my school and all schools, a wish list that could bring the relief we all crave. We don’t have control over the relatives of employees, but we do spend six hours a day with our students. With enough of the right resources, we could make a huge difference in the lives of our students and perhaps save lives in the process. I feel that with three essential elements: support, care and providing a sense of belonging, we can begin to create an environment in our school communities that will allow for the growth of compassionate, empathetic individuals.
Support: Schools are given the task of providing support for our students. Of course, this includes academic support but, lately, we also see an increased need for social and emotional support. Teachers are expected to meet all of the State and District Standards. For many students, this requires academic intervention during school by working with students individually and in small groups, as well as after school, in intervention classes. For children, feeling successful academically has a huge impact on their self-image and the way they interact with their peers. Feeling that the adults they spend their school day with genuinely care about them, gives them the courage and motivation to push themselves to succeed.
Sometimes, however, situations beyond our control, impact our students’ success. Our students worry about their families, their friends and the world as they interpret it. Sometimes, these worries become overwhelming and are more than we, as teachers, are equipped to handle. We need trained counselors and psychologists to help these children navigate their world. Older students can be trained to be peer counselors and mediators, but all schools need and deserve full-time counselors and psychologists on staff to support students’ emotional well-being. Our school psychologists are overburdened with massive amounts of paperwork that, in our litigious world, is now required for every student being assessed or who has an Individual Educational Plan (IEP). This leaves little time for our school psychologists to work with struggling children. Counselors trained to work with children could have social skills groups, as well as work with children struggling with bigger emotional issues such as family and peer relations.
Care: We need Response to Intervention (RTI) for our students’ mental health, not just their academic progress. Our students come to school, but not all arrive on an equal playing field. It is up to us, our school districts, the State and Federal Government, to help our children be prepared to learn. Through no fault of their own, some lack food, clothing or a place to call home. This is an increasing need and one that cannot be ignored without serious consequences. Our schools need full-time nurses with access to social workers to help all children have their needs met. We need to check in with our homeless students and give our students a safe place to share their feelings with a trusted adult. Having a compassionate adult to listen to their feelings can be a lifeline for a student.
“A deep sense of love and belonging is an irreducible need of all people. We are biologically, cognitively, physically, and spiritually wired to love, to be loved, and to belong. When those needs are not met, we don’t function as we were meant to. We break. We fall apart. We numb. We ache. We hurt others. We get sick.” —Brené Brown
Belonging: We need to feel like we belong. In our schools we can provide a sense of belonging for our students by creating an atmosphere of safety, both physical safety and social safety. In our classrooms this is more easily accomplished because we are in a contained space, we have more control over the schedule, the activities and are more attuned to the conversations and the little social nuances. We teachers, are not always on the playground during recess/nutrition and lunch. We have supervision aides, though we are often understaffed. We need well-staffed playgrounds that are engaging and that offer fun activities that encourage safe, inclusive physical play. We need physical education that is non-traditional and provides lifelong activities to foster belonging, i.e., yoga, golf, tennis, positive team sport activities and challenging activities like skateboarding skills.
Some students thrive in the arts and belonging to a music group, participating in theatrical productions and having a place to create visual arts can be the saving grace for some. Students who have a place to excel, to be acknowledged for their creativity, skill and courage to take emotional risks, are those who have an outlet. By giving our students a place to feel connected to their peers and to adults, we can encourage our children to find their place in their community. Perhaps what we need, in all schools, is a “family room,” complete with a sofa, some comfortable chairs and a lovely, well-worn table where we can sit with our students, share stories, and listen to each other.
“The most basic and powerful way to connect to another person is to listen. Just listen. Perhaps the most important thing we ever give each other is our attention…. A loving silence often has far more power to heal and to connect than the most well-intentioned words.” —Rachel Naomi Remen
When You’re Five
When you’re five,
you have a future that
is wide open
and filled with possibility.
When you’re five,
you are forever learning
about the world,
about yourself,
about the people in your life.
When you’re five,
you play with gusto
and imagine everything:
superheroes, magical worlds,
a world that is beautiful.
When you’re five,
you look at the world
with optimism and
you see blue skies and
clouds that come in the shape of
ice cream cones and dinosaurs.
When you are five
You say “When I grow up”
and imagine the countless possibilities
for your future,
without limitations,
because you have not confronted limitations,
except perhaps, the fact that you can’t fly…
yet.
